The Death of the Self Made Life

Ever hear the phrase, “He’s as self made man?” or “Your life is what you make of it?”. How about, “God helps those who help themselves”? or “You’ve got to pull yourself up by your own boot straps”?

Just attend any motivational seminar or sales training and you will hear how you need to work hard, and to achieve your fullest potential. If you want anything done right, you’ve got to do it yourself. . . Reach for the stars, achieve your highest potential. I could go on and on, but I think that your get the picture.

I was an over achiever in school, in teaching, then in motherhood, and on into pastoral ministry. No one could work harder, achieve more, be more creative, more loving, more visionary, more dedicated.

Six years ago I was striving with all my might to build the Kingdom through the church by writing volumes of curriculum, giving hours of pastoral counseling, leading numerous small groups, leading intercession - praying up a storm, running leadership training seminar after seminar . . . the high speed, high energy, high output hamster wheel of success. Thank God I crashed! In His wonderful benevolent grace he allowed it all to come crashing down for me. I realized that try as I would to equip, train, and release, that everything I was building was running on my energy, my ability to motivate, to maintain, to keep all the balls in the air. . . thank God I crashed!

I crashed hard as everything I built and was so frantically holding together by the Word of my power crumbled like sand and slipped through my fingers. I look at this now as a glorious series of events! But make no mistake, at the time I was in severe pain!

It was about this time that the revelation of the Cross took hold of me on a core level. I had been meditating on the verse in Colossians 3:3-4

For you have died, and your life is hid with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory

For weeks I went around saying to myself. “I’ve died.” Then I would just marvel.

“I’ve died.” I’d say again, and wonder.

"Holy Spirit, what in the world does this mean?"

Meanwhile I was watching the destruction of the sand castle I had carefully built and maintained.

“I’ve died.”

Romans 6:3-4 shows me clearly that I became one with Jesus in His death, burial and resurrection.

Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

I remember laying for weeks on the floor during Sunday worship, just crying and letting go. Every been there? When everything is out of your control. The death of control. I’ve died. I have died. Nevertheless I live, yet not I but HE liveth in me . . . (Gal. 2:20).

I would say, Lord only you can raise me up. Everything I was, everything I thought was true, the whole way I related to you, everyway I’ve ‘done ministry’ was off. I let it all go. Its dead. You must raise me up from here. You must infuse me with resurrection power. You must show me the New Creation Lisa who is one with You!

Slowly He did. The discovery has been full of quiet joy as I have learned to treasure the life hidden in Him. Watching Jesus reveal Himself in my everyday life, whether I am making dinner or preaching the Cross around the globe. Its all the same to Him. He is my life now. Each day, a day to know Him more, to experience the depths of our union. To know His life flowing in me. What a joy to watch Jesus Himself build His church, to watch the true Message of the Cross take hold, unshakable in the lives of my people. Nothing compares to knowing Jesus in this way! He is my very great reward!

Still at times I forget. Recently I was trying to break through a long standing stronghold, a barrier that the enemy had placed in my path. I had been trying a long time, had done everything I knew to do and was frustrated. Then I remembered. The Self in the Self made life is dead! I am not responsible for “figuring it all out” (both cause and solution). . . . Yeah!

Paul said that if he tried to build again what had been torn down by the cross that he would make himself a transgressor. In other words --- its sin.

But if I build up again those things which I tore down, then I prove myself a transgressor. . . for I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Gal. 2:18, 20

I repented of trying to “figure out & fix” the problem. I leaned back into the great exchange. Once again leaning into the death of the self made life. My life for Yours Lord. I died with you, was buried, and raised with you. Seems like I got the way better deal, but it was YOUR idea. Lord, I refuse to “figure it out, fix it myself or rescue myself”. I wasn’t crucified with you only to make it on my own. Show Your power as I lean into You. If I am to “do” something, make it clear and anoint it with Your energy.

As I took this stance the enemies incessant warfare increased, accusations coming fast & furious. And having done all to stand, I stood in the full majestic regalia of the Cross. The warfare lasted a bit, but could not withstand the power flowing from the risen Christ. The barrier broke and I was able to move with ease and freedom in an area where the enemy had once tormented me.

Thank God! This work of the Cross is immutable in the heavens! And it is full of power to hit our everyday lives, emotions and circumstances. Today, from Emmanual’s veins is flowing everything you and I need. His life, His resources, His energy, His joy, His resurrection power, His inexorable victory over the enemy --- all flowing right into my veins, emotions, body, spirit because I have died, and my life is now hidden --- wrapped up inside the One I love. When He appears, rising to scatter His enemy with fire and smoke billowing from his nostrils, there I am in the midst of Him. His strong right arm displayed, for real in my very ordinary life on Ravenscroft.